I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
