I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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