So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Let's paint friendship bongs
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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