Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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