I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So squirting runs in the family.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
