Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
