It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
