I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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