He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
