he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
