I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
