3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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