I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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