What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
