just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
