I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
