Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
