living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
