dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
