I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
