just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
