No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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