My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
