u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
