I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love having hate sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
