I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
