how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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