but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
