This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
