I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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