So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
