I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
