I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
