I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
