yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
