I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
