I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
