Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
