Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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