Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They are going to name an STD after you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
