I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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