I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
there is puke in my bra ... again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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