Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
