i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
