you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
