If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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