Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
