What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
