My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
