and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
