so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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