He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
