Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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