Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
