Umm I'm too high to move.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
