I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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