That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
