you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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