there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
