I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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