During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
