fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
