i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
