The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
