I'm going to jail i love you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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