Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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