that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
