The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
