You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
