You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
