cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
