Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
