we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
