Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
