Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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