so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
