Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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