Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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