4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
