We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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